Plug for Singles

Recently, I've had the opportunity to share my plug for singles in a few settings. Some people who are married have thanked me for sharing, for they'd never thought about it before.

God continues to give me His boldness and courage to share about fully loving and living well as a single person in an often married world.

I love the church as a whole-God's church. I've had the privilege to grow up in the church.

May I share something that is a bit raw? Often, single people in church feel excluded. I am deeply loved and cared for by many in my church, but there is a reality for many single people in churches. Many want to be included.

There are hidden, subtle messages in the church that the ultimate goal in life is to be married with the wonderful Christian spouse, the 2.5 kids, and the white picket fence. I'm not being negative. I'm sharing from my experience, and from those I know who are single. They may have never been married, or they have been divorced, or they are widowed.

Please let me explain further.

How many times in the years or months that you've been to church have you heard the words, "spouse, wife, children, husband, family" ect. during announcements, messages, or describing events ect.?

How many times have you heard the words, "single, divorced, or widowed" during announcements, messages, or describing events?

I remember how included I felt when the Women's Community at my church started including the word, "single" in their information inviting women to Bible Study or events. "There I am. I am included," I thought.

How many times when attending a small group, or Bible study is the first question, "tell us about yourself." The person leading often shares, "I'm married, and I have 2 children." How many times do many people then continue the dialogue introducing themselves in the same way? "I'm married and have 3 children." Around the circle it goes until it gets to the person who isn't married or does not have children. To those who are married with children, it seems like a good way to get to know each other. To those who are single or without children, this is often a very painful way to get to know each other depending on where they are in processing not being married or not having children. I distinctly remember one time, not too long ago, when I was carrying much in life. The pain of carrying the load by myself was very real that day.  It was a challenge for me to even be at the meeting for I was so exhausted. I could barely introduce myself without totally crying. I was grateful to keep it together, especially after watching the introductions unfold that way.  In my mind, I felt like I do not fit here. It was like, "ok, I'm out!"

May I suggest a few things for those who are leaders at churches?

Please include the words, "single, divorced, and widowed." People want to be included. In events, in invitations, in announcements, it would mean a great deal to those that are single to be invited.  They often feel left out of things in a married world. Let's include them at church, and in our relationships.

Please ask open ended questions when getting to know small groups. I've asked questions such as: What is your favorite season? Which season would describe your life right now? Where is a favorite place you enjoy going? What brings you joy?... You will get to know people's stories as you travel the road together. You will learn if people are married, or single along the way. They will share as they are comfortable.

To my single friends, there is no shame in being single!

We all get to be in community with each other.  We were created to be in relationship with God and others.

Let's love all well.

Blessings and love to you.

Single in a Married World

Recently I had a beautiful conversation with a dear friend. She was sharing with me how she wanted to be married. She wanted someone to hold her hand.

I got it.

I understood.

I shared with her something that I don't think I'd ever said out loud to anyone else. I knew God was asking me to share it with her. So I did.

She was encouraged. Maybe someone else out there will find this helpful too.

In college, I was blessed with very special friends God gave me. During church, we'd usually sit together. Many of my friends were dating, and getting married. It was very wonderful to get to share in the joy with them. As I sat in church, more and more of them were sitting in couples. I got to sit among them, which was great. However, I remember during one service I so wanted that special guy to hold my hand too. It came to mind to put my hands together, and hold the hand of Jesus. I was not alone. It was a sign to me- a reminder that Jesus is right with me holding my hand.

Through the years, this has continued. During church and at other times, I will often put my hands together reminding myself that Jesus is right with me. He holds my hand.

May we all know that Jesus is right with us in special ways today.

None of us are alone.

Not Stuff

I was up very late preparing for the amazing journey ahead to Africa.  As I climbed into bed, I was reminded that the clothes & supplies I put in my carry on & the clothes ect. I have in the suitcases are more than what many precious kids and families in Rwanda.

I was reminded how life is not about the stuff we have.

We don't take it with us when our souls leave earth.

Life isn't about if we are married or not, or if we have biological kids.

Life isn't about if we own a home, rent a home, or where we live.

Life isn't about if we drive a car, have a car, or are in the process of buying a car.

Life isn't about where we go or don't go on vacation.

We can enjoy all those things, but it isn't to rule and reign our lives.

Are we living generous lives with what we have been given?

Life is about a relationship with God who created us to be in relationship with Him.

Life is about loving well those He has given us where He has placed us.

Let's do the important things really well today.

But God.

Maria and I (My first sponsored child-2007)

Precious, joyful, tender tears rolled this am as I found and looked through pictures from Rwanda 2007. Ten years ago I had the amazing privilege to go on my first trip to Rwanda, Africa with a dear team and be part of Africa New Life Ministries.

My heart was captured!

My life was changed that summer.  As I tell others who are pondering going to Rwanda, "you will be wrecked in the most beautiful ways."

Tears well again as I type that in 7 days, I get to return for my 5th time to Rwanda, Africa. It is ALL GOD!

It's been 5 years since I have been to Rwanda. I really did not know if I would ever get to return due to health reasons... But God. He totally opened this door for me. Then, He also gave me a dear friend to go with me. Totally God!

Come along with us! You can be praying as final preparations are done this week for the journey ahead. My friend and I would appreciate your prayers as we are in Rwanda. May we shine Jesus well by loving Him and loving others so well. I'm believing God for health too. Health and fear of health issues are always something I lie down, trusting God, each time I go. We are not designed to live in fear!

So with giddy joy, off I go to the piles, and to do lists.  I'm in total awe of God! He is good friends. He is good even when our hearts break, and we don't understand.

Seven days and counting. The journey, in our hearts, is already on it's way though.

THANK YOU to those in my life who have believed, for me, that I would indeed return to Rwanda. I had to lie it down, but I love how God gives us dear ones to believe for us. Priceless. I'm blessed beyond measure.

Fully LIVE!

July 1, 2016 The only option was to get in the water! :) I did!

Today is my last full day being 46. Tomorrow, a new year begins as I turn 47.

When I meet people for the first time, common questions are: "Are you married? How many children do you have?" At times, this was hard for me to answer because my dream was to be married, and to have children by the time I was 30.  God has had other plans for me. Now, I answer those question with a smile. "No, I'm not married. No, I don't have children of my own. No, this wasn't my dream, but God has me on another path." Many times people don't know what to do with that information. Responses vary. Some tell stories about someone they know who didn't get married until a certain age. "When you least expect it, it will happen...," is another common response.  It has become an opportunity for me to explain further. "Yes, it (marriage) could happen, or it could not. I'm okay with that. God has amazing plans in store for me with, or without a husband. I get to love God and others well."

In those conversations, I usually don't have time to explain all the incredible adventures God has given me. For example, on my birthday, I've been to Nantucket (more than once), Hawaii (more than once), Haiti, Africa, Idaho, California, and Oregon. During those birthdays, I've been on a plane, at the ocean (different oceans), Knott's Berry Farm, waterfalls, and at a farm. On other occasions, I've traveled to Rwanda, Africa (four times), Hawaii (several times), Italy, St. Martin, Florida, Texas, Spain, Boston, Michigan, Colorado, New York, New Jersey, Texas, Connecticut, Vermont, Washington D.C,  Philadelphia, Canada, and England. I've spent time on a sailboat for a week at a time. (more than once).  I've climbed Mt. St. Helens, completed a marathon, and 1/2 marathon. I get the privilege daily to travel the road of life with dear ones God has given me.  There are mountains and valleys along those paths.  I'm so blessed to have them traveling with me.

So, no, I am not married, and I don't have children of my own.  I have had the privilege to be a nanny for wonderful families.  I get to be Auntie to my brother's children, and to other dear children in my world.  I get to sponsor four precious girls in Rwanda, Africa.  I've taught hundreds of children through the years.

I have amazing dear ones who love me well, and I get to do my best to love them well. Isn't that what life is about according to Jesus? We get to love God and others well.

Happy June 30th!

Single & Church

I am amazingly loved and I have the perfect bridegroom. His name is Jesus. I have a place. I belong to God.

 I have amazing dear ones God has given me who travel the road of life with me. They love me so much. They show me love in incredible ways.

I will be 47 years old this year. I've had crazy, fun adventures in life. I've also had very heartbreaking times in life.  I've had wild dreams come true. I've had dreams not come true.  Being married and having children of my own are dreams,  for reasons I do not know, that have not come true. I've wrestled with that through the years. I've asked God questions. I've pondered. "Am I not beautiful enough? Did I not flirt enough somewhere along the way? Did I miss a boat somewhere?" Truth: I am beautiful. It's not that I didn't flirt enough. I did not miss any boats.

I've had the privilege to grow up in church. Unfortunately, these questions, along with others, are often, unknowingly perpetuated in the church.  Many are in the seasons of life of being married, and/or having children. Those seasons, like all seasons, have their celebrations and challenges. From the platform, from most churches, there is not an awareness of what it's like to sit in church week after week, year after year, when many sermon illustrations used are with marriage or children.  Many events are also geared towards ones who are married and with children.  Where does that leave one who is not married or not with children? I've heard varying statistics that up to and even over 50% of people in churches are not married.

A friend asked me a few years ago, "when do you see yourself on the platform at church?" As I pondered her good question, she answered for me. "You don't!!!" I had to agree with her and realized that I'm so used to changing messages at church in my head that I don't even realize I'm doing it.

God continues to give me boldness to speak about being single and the church.  There are hushed conversations in quiet corners, in the margins of churches. I believe, we as the church, who follow Jesus that is single, can do a much better job of loving singles (divorced, never married, widowed) well. I'd like to suggest a few ways:

• Invite singles to sit with you at church. If you look around, there are ones who would so enjoy sitting with you and your family. If you are single, invite others to sit with you at church.  I have a friend who used to save me a seat at church. During one season, for many weeks, that beautiful act of love is why I went to church. It was a tough season. I knew she loved me enough to not let me get by with, "I just didn't want to come." I didn't want to hear about it. So, I kept showing up.  Currently there is another dear one whom I sit with every week. It's a beautiful gift, and sometimes that's what gets me there. I want to show up to be there for this precious friend.

• Invite singles into your life. Who do you know that's single? How can you include them in your world, and get to know them? I believe we all want to be known.  I have the best ones in my life who know me. We've traveled amazing journeys together-some very fun & some very hard. If you're single, who do you want to get to know? Invite them to do something with you. 

• For those in church leadership-include singles. No-I'm not saying start a singles group. I do not know ANYONE who desires that.  When planning events, promoting events, how can singles be included? Who can you ask for insights on how your church can get better at loving singles well? Do you have anyone in leadership who is single?

For me, I believe that as I follow Jesus doing what He's called me to, I may meet that earthly husband someday. I also may not, and I'm totally okay with that. For now, God has me on a different path than many I know. It's His perfect path for me.

May we all love God and others very well.

Single & God Questions

 It's a fragile topic for me, and many I know.  However, there is a God courage and boldness rising up within me.  I don't know what God is going to do with all this. But, I do believe He is at work in a special and exciting way in my heart. I'm excited to see where and how He continues to lead.

A few weeks ago while driving to work I found myself asking God the following questions:

Where in the church (at large) are the voices of Godly, fun, single people (single, divorced, widowed) saying that you can live a full, joy filled life with incredible relationships, even without an earthy husband? I've grown up in the church. I don't see it. 

When and where (in the church at large) is singleness or this message shared by someone who isn't married? (by one who is traveling this road....) 

When singleness is mentioned, it is usually mentioned as a side note or parentheses.

How and when is the church (at large) being equipped, challenged, and shown how to love well ones who are not married?

I believe all people want to be loved and known.  God created us to be in community together with others.

I have amazing people who love me so incredibly well.  Most of them are married. I am so very grateful for all the ways they run the race of life with me, and allow me to be part of their races also.

Singleness is not a left over person that wasn't chosen.  It is a loved person who is not married to an earthly spouse. We all have dreams that didn't happen. What do we do with those unmet dreams? How does God fit into that?

There are many things that I don't understand. Why am I single is one of them. So, I have put that and other things in a file in my head called "I don't get it." I then list what I do know for sure:

God loves me.

He has a plan bigger than I see.

I am to Love God and Love others well. Period. Exclamation point.

Our identity is not in our marital status or in having kids, but in who God says we are. Are we living out who He says we are and doing what He has called us to do?

Most Christian books on singleness are all about how to get married.  What if God has another plan? What about doing and being what He's called you to to? What about believing if God has marriage for you, He will bring that into your life as you are doing and being what He has called you to?

In many ways, even in the church, marriage is portrayed as an ultimate prize. Yes, it's beautiful and a precious gift. However,  it's not the ultimate gift. God's love is our ultimate Gift.

I believe we are to run the race He has called us to! For me, that race looks very different from many I know, but it is the path God has me on.  I choose to trust His plan is the best for me.